Graduation

Today it’s snowing—a lot actually.  I’m currently curled up with a cup of hot tea, a book, and my thoughts.  I have lots of thoughts—thoughts about the future, the present, my past, my ambitions.  My student teaching will be wrapping up in about six weeks and I will be an official graduate with a Bachelors degree.  Whoa. 

It’s strange; you never think you’re going to get to this point.  The point where you plan to have no plans, or at least no plans that are officially set in stone.  You see I’ve always had a plan.  In fact, I can’t remember a time in my life where a plan wasn’t in the works.  Graduate high school, go to college, don’t flunk out, study for your future, make it to the East Coast, shine in student teaching, get good recommendations, graduate college, and in the midst of all of this, have fun. 

I used to ask people how it feels to graduate, always expecting to hear, “It’s so amazing,” or “I have free time.”  Instead I always heard one word, “Scary.” Really…?  Out of all the adjectives you can use to describe such a monumental and exhilarating time in your life, and you choose to use the word, “Scary?” I’m usually not one to judge, but I did, I judged. 

So with those answers I realized that I’d just have to wait and see for myself what such an experience would feel like.  When I walked that stage at Lawlor event center on December 7, 2013 I felt numb.  Not the bad kind of numb that you would experience at a dental office as they shoot up your entire mouth with drugs, and then ask you to gargle water(???).  It was the kind of numb where you have to pinch yourself to make sure this is really happening.  I was on top of the world, pure bliss was penetrating my entire body.  

Truthfully, I didn’t think I’d ever make it through college.  Not because I don’t have the brains, but obtaining any kind of degree or skill takes a lot of work, patience, and sacrifice.  I didn’t think I had that kind of determination in me.  But somehow, after each grueling semester, I went back and worked hard.  I stayed in and studied on those nights I desperately wanted to go out, I spent extra hours in the library trying to understand certain concepts, and a pulled a few of those all-nighters because of pure procrastination.  I went through what every other college student has gone through before.  I made it.  I survived. 

Still, I had one big task ahead of me, student teaching in Virginia.  I lucked out and was assigned, in my bias opinion, the best lead teacher and mentor.  She listens, challenges me, and supports me in every aspect of this experience.  I have come a long way because of her, and yet, I still have so much to learn.  I think I’ll always have a lot to learn, and that in and of itself is exciting.  I love being challenged, I love learning new techniques, and I love seeing the results and rewards of hard work and sacrifice. 

So as I sit here, with my tea, starring out at the dancing snow, and contemplating post graduation, I feel scared, but I also feel excited.  Scared of that fact that I have no plan, but excited for it too.  For now, I'm soaking in my last six weeks of teaching the eighth grade, and I’m embracing the opportunities I have right in front of me.  The rest will come in time, I am sure it.

For those who question your ability to achieve something, remember this, there is always a way.